“And no matter how down you get, you can always make a gorgeous recovery.”
And what a recovery Jonathan makes!
Who would have thought that the life of this gorg queen would be so dark?
Well such is the truth of Jvn and he takes us on an honest, soul baring, soul crushing, soul uplifting journey. He’s mentioned all the events, however bleak, that have led him to be the person that he’s today.
Whether its the childhood trauma, his drug dependency , sex addiction, the tumultuous graph of his relationships; he has addressed it . Of course, there’s a silver lining; it’s his life post Queer Eye.
What struck me the most and that which I am going to adopt to make my own too, is the language which Jonathan uses for himself. This is a language which is tender, kind, filled with love. So what if he went on to do the darkest of deeds despite having the right sense to not do them; he’s still compassionate towards himself whilst narrating that part of his life. He’s always his queen!
I was like wow! When did I talk about myself like that? All the times that I have narrated my trysts with bullying ( till today I haven’t spoken much about the bullying I faced in school/college for my “effeminate“ mannerisms), my fallout of being in a narcissistic relationship, me being violent with my ex, me having come very close to being alcohol adjacent and (almost) sex addicted, me having tried to commit suicide, me having to deal with umpteen attempts in trying to secure my postgraduate seat, me having to deal with repercussions of my dad’s sudden death, my forever feeling of anxiety; I haven’t held myself close in a hug. I haven’t been kind. My language to self was more of self-harm than self-love.
I have risen above all that failure and rejection. I am now at a place wherein I have the wisdom to look back at my life and not be resentful. But I still haven’t forgiven myself for all those innumerable times wherein I chose others instead of me.
Jonathan thank you for your language. Should I call it the “Queen’s language “🤓🥰 !? I now know how I should address myself. I now know there’s a path to forgive oneself and it’s absolutely possible to do it despite whatever epic shit you have done. I now know the necessity to pat the back of my inner child; the need to give my adolescent self a long overdue hug ( “hey girl, you did your best then ; thank you for being so strong then”. I am gonna say this till my adolescent self hugs me back).
So my redemption is everyday. My recovery is everyday. My failure is also everyday. But i am loving myself now, everyday.
Jonathan says, “Being normal is being completely unique, because nobody’s the same.”
Jonathan, you are the grooming expert in the QE series. But your book, is/will groom the lives of so many of us; especially our LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters. You are truly “zhuzh”ing us in the most unique way possible.
You ask in your book; would you still love me if you knew everything about me? Well, that’s a no-brainer! Infact I love you more and respect you more than ever.
~ JUST A GAY BOY. 😊
the shiny diaries 