Fitting in

I set out on my travel adventure not knowing what to expect. Little did I expect to find my own self!

Growing up I had always felt, I dont belong in this world. I forever felt like a stranger everywhere . My friends and relatives made that notion stronger. Me being gay was not the issue. Because my first relationship reinforced the fact that i dont fit in. My self worth which was never great to begin with, hit an all time low. Rock bottom u can say. I could barely stay afloat even after the relationship ended . All the trauma and emotional abuse extended to me on a platter by my ex, I internalized it and made it my pathology; never realising for once that they were his bad behaviours. I hated everything abt me. I also chose to be ignorant to all my issues hence. I hated my anxiety; my body; my introvert nature and everything that was ME.

I can see that am using the word hate in the past tense. I can see the change. The process of undoing my knots and kinks began roughly two years ago. And here I am today. Noways have I mastered the art of self love. But i have found the strength to erase hate and replace it with love. Its a slow process. I go back and forth so many times. Travel helps me in this journey. And during this current travel; I loved myself like I have never loved before. I found Myself at the pebbly beach at dhërmi; at a bar during the music festival; up in the sky eating at athens; walking down the cobblestone pavements of corfu; sipping wines at santorini! I found myself shaking hands with my anxiety , with my fears, with my self worth and every part of me. I have realised, I am a sum total of everything good, bad and ugly. And its now, that I am learning to carry all of it together . I ain’t leaving any part behind! Rivers of tears have flown in acceptance and loving. But I am my best friend now; so I got my back!

I Belong. Exactly where I am right now.

Thank you for reading ; and if you have reached till here; I am sending some of my love to you. Stay blessed everyone.

~ JUST A GAY BOY. 😺