I am creating my own happiness; living it and also enjoying it. It’s not that happiness is an alien concept to me. But i have always been too scared to experience it, in totality. I used to look for sadness even in the realm of happiness. I felt, I connected more with sadness. Hence I always spoke more about my lows and “being down in the dumps” than my highs. I loved to celebrate it, you can say. I felt sadness and my lows helped me earn my place in this world. So technically, I had myself aborted the happy ME !
As I embarked upon my travel this time , I felt so happy. As the days unfolded, I kept feeling happier. “I have to stop this feeling”, I felt. Because it felt unreal. And then, sort of like an unconditional reflex I started to look for some faults and lows and mistakes. I remember calling Edel and saying the above. Truth be told I was loving the ‘happy ‘ feeling. So even though I felt the need to lurk for sadness; my defiant happiness took over. And for the first time i didn’t fight it. I basked in all its glory. I felt shinier. My soul needed this. I realised, I owe myself happiness as much as I owe sadness and every other feeling. So I let happiness take over. I felt it in every cell of mine. It didn’t and doesn’t feel alien. It’s incredible how i am reconnecting with all my long lost friends. Happiness has been one of them!
~ JUST A GAY BOY. 🤑
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